Stardom of Illusion

She was this perfect girl in her own eyes. It was never a matter of beautiful or ugly when it came to her. She was satisfied with every bit of nature she consumed. It was an inch of heaven in her eyes that made others drool. Every curve and every twirl made her exceptional.

Her peculiar personality questioned the stereotypical standards of the society. Just as phenomenonal as every other creature, she carried that specific confidence and uniqueness to break even the coldest of hearts. It was perfect how beautifully she wore all her apprehensions and tensions on her sleeve that made others wonder  ever those bewitching eyes knew pain. Those cunning words as sharp as her heels. She was this everything a guy worshipped and a girl wished.

And then a frequency of sound shattered her train of thought and she resumed writing how she envisioned herself in a parallel world – “Dear Diary…”

The Intimate Kiss

© Copyright Reserved.

The world changed gradually yet so fast. The wooing and the pursuing has exponentially faded away. All is left is easy to get love and one night stands. Two strangers getting together for a moment only to be strangers once again.

She pondered, as she took another sip of coffee, what happiness one gets with shitty hookups and momentary lusts. The little mystery in getting to know each other and finding the tiniest little flaw, only to accept and love each other more; is gone. Why is it that writing letters and bringing flowers are no more considered ? Why is the notion of knights and queens extinct? The closeness of two people trying to understand the depth of their soul no more exists.

‘The intimacy of bodies , to try to know each other is no more’, she spoke with a tinch of confusion in her mind. He immediately cornered his attention to her trying to grasp the depth of those lines.

Being quiet for a while, she ejects the words saying, ‘ It is insane but I find kissing as to be more intimate than sex.’
Two lips immersing in that ferocious moments of unbound passion and yet every bit of touch is the tenderest touch ever experienced. Not relating to any sexual satiation, you can just never have enough.

Two people being together in that moment, sensing those breaths, revealing a bit of their souls, with a little bit of the inner wounded self that has been hidden from the world and yet has been desperately trying to be healed all this time. Those vibrations of drumroll, the wait, the patience to grab each other instantly and never let go. How can just one never want this ? She wondered.

Stunned by her words, he turned to her and they shared those infamous eye-contact. No words were spoken yet so much was said.

Finally, they kissed.

– A ❤️

The ‘Missing’ Syndrome

Sometimes, sitting on the edge of the balcony, a million thoughts run through the head bringing it back all at once at the speed of a light-

The euphoria of the glorious moments fading to nightmares, the shock of the unexpected transformation from butterflies to burden, the huge frustation of failing every time trying to get closer, the painful acceptance that we won’t ever make it and would carry that gallon of baggage everywhere we went.

Sometimes, I wish you were here. The early morning, the rays of sunshine warming up my skin whilst I still snooze my alarm, somewhere at the back I wish you’d surprise me with the kisses and the delicious breakfast-in- bed. The dream still craving to be a reality.

Sometimes, just sometimes the heart craves to skip a beat again, back when the eyes used to catch a glimpse of you.

Other times I wish, I should have been quick to judge you, keeping my otherwise cautious eyes open but my oh my, I was in love and that blind love, you can never simply defy it’s nature……

Maybe just maybe, I miss the person my brain thought you were. . . 😬

The Mistletoe Kiss

Ahh, the winter is here. The holy month of Christmas Carols and sparkling snow. It was time to be baking those delicious rum cakes and decorating those huge greeny trees. Yet another year is going to end and yet another year of possibilities was about to begin. Sitting by the fireplace, she was pondering about her moments with him. Those ecstatic-overjoying moments of pleasure whenever she woke up beside him in the morning, looking deeply into those breathtaking eyes as she initiated the first kiss of the day. Remembering the way his soft hands moved smoothly through the curves of her body, while she made his favourite meal. How they used to talk for hours, opening up, pouring out their souls to each other.

Dwelling into the past and reliving those memories again, a year rolled down her eyes missing him, wondering which part of the world would he be now. It was tough for her to be waiting all those days for him to return from his sailing. She knew exactly the time duration to which he return but all the knowing just made the days feel like years as the final day for him to return approached. Long distance relationship was difficult but impossible when two souls craved each other’s presence so badly.

‘I would be sailing this Christmas too, honey’, as he said. The world fell apart for her as the love of her life would be eclipsed to her vision on her favourite holiday. It would be the first time when she spend singing Carols alone. She was used to the long distance but it was tough to bear the loneliness. Going into the kitchen, she fed her poodle and started to cook the chicken and the cake. She gently prepared those and relived her finding memories with her husband again and again. The dinner was ready, but somehow the appetite was nowhere to be found. She knew the reason. She decided to stop being so gloomy and give her hubby a call to wish him at midnight. As she picked up that phone, a bell rang. She curiously thought who could it be. The poodle started to jump and bark at an exciting pace.

She opened the door and found nothing to her sight except that mistletoe hanging through the top of the ceiling. The curiosity increased. She stepped forward into the centre, looking to the top of mistletoe when she heard a voice- ‘You are supposed to kiss if you are beneath it’. At first glance, she couldn’t believe it but as she regained senses, she jumped right into his arms and the long hours of waiting finally concluded with a big, passionate kiss under the greeny mistletoe.

Say it the magic of the mistletoe or the holy time of Christmas, everything just felt complete.

MYSTERY ! 0_0

She had that aura of mystery which made people wonder about her inner self. The way those shiny lips did nothing but wave a smile, instilled a doubt of self confidence in her making the other people wonder she never knew pain. Little did they know , oh little did they know what she hid behind the facade of her smile and laughs. She seduced with her sensuous conversations and her words fly like exotic locations; her mind was a playground and words the swing. Everytime they think they have figured her out, something made them realize they knew nothing.
She had every question and answer beneath those never ending curves of her smile but herself !”

Whats the point?

And then one day just like any other day, you’ll die. All your dreams and ambitions will come down to eventual nothingness. Everything that you’ve struggled for in your life will cease to mean anything. All the relationships in which you invested your heart and soul would end with a blink of an eye. All the sleepless nights filled with tears of sheer helplessness and heartbreaking frustration would mock at you in their beloved vanity. You’d have an ardent desire to excavate your heart out when you’ll have to grieve the loss of someone who is still alive.

Then what is the point of it all? This life, this circus, this never ending labryinth of burning hell. What is the point of still existing when your reasons for living have vanished?  What is the point of living so much when everything is doomed to end? What is the point of living the “I am fine” facade when you are already numb inside? What is the point of learning innumerable lessons and becoming all wise when eventually you’ll take them to your grave? What is the point to be all fit and be attractive ? Is it all for the compulsive need for approval and social desirability?

Fear- fear of the unknown is what drives us to live this life that thwarts us in every possible direction so that no emotion is left unexperienced. This fear is so gargantuan that it compels us to deal with the constant state of agony even when the pain is beyond bearable. This fear is so commanding that it has made ‘suicide’ a demon. This fear is so influential that it has made everyone believe that there is a God who has given you this life and you must respect it. This fear is so transforming that it makes you believe in things like, ‘life is beautiful and that’s why i’m living it’.This fear is so very blinding that it has made provision of adjectives like ‘God-fearing’ to validate itself positively. This fear is so very omnipotent that it has made everyone believe that ‘life after suicide’ is worse than hell. 

The crux of it all is that why don’t people say “I’m living this life because i fear the unknown, i’d rather suffer and live in a known world than commit suicide and enter the unknown world or no world at all ?” Why do they cringe when suicide or someone who committed suicide is mentioned? Why do they see him as a failure or a quitter? Why can’t they see him as someone who didn’t fear the unknown or as someone who was just willing to take the risk?

So we’re here in this mess together, fearing the unknown. But why is it that this social desirablity defines how we pursue our lives? Essentially, because it provides us with our respective goals. Since it’s definition is hugely variable, we all have our version of desirability.

However, it would be unfair to say life is all pain and no gain. If it makes you experience the soul-wrenching sadness, then it does make you experience breathless ecstasy as well.

The regret of it all is that good times just fly by and bad times show you how the clock ticks.!!!!!!!!!!!

The ‘Alone’ Syndrome

Sometimes, I am sitting in the corner of my room staring to nothingness, completely ignoring the fact that the needles of the clock just ticks second by second and my life is getting shorter millisecond by millisecond. Suddenly, a thought floods the gates of my mind that my life is accompanied by nothing except my thoughts. And instantly, the same mind which was pondering into emptiness is now surrounded by the dark clouds of ‘being lonely’ thoughts. My feet goes out to take a fresh air only to envision the sights of ‘couples’ everywhere. I call up my sister and complains about being lonely and how much I miss her. Ending the call, walking down the street, I see a young couple fighting and accusing each other of breaking hearts. And thats when my mind screamed out a thought ” Thank God ! I am single “. The dark clouds in my mind left and a new ray of relief shone in my mind convincing me that you are already happy- Finding it in others is what bringing the dark cloud of loneliness in the first place.

This forever spreading syndrome of “I am alone” is groping every millenial’s minds today. Such sad words to come out of one’s mouth, right? Ever pondered over the fact that could be opposite. Why do people have to make everything sad? Why living alone is sad? I came across so many people daily, telling that they have everything but still blue because they are lonely. “I am lonely”, “I am alone”, “Nobody to talk to me”, “I am so borred”. Such simple sentences have become the sad reality of everyone today. Nobody wants to be alone. Everybody needs someone to talk to. What is this new world we are living in?

Ever pondered that if we can accept new changes to the society or technology everyday, why not being alone be accepted. People waste so many thoughts and energy on finding happiness and comfort in being with someone, that they forget that happiness is within themselves. C’mon taking up a new hobby is what I would prefer everytime over being with someone, just like this. Writing my own thoughts onto a public diary is much better than debating with a second person of the same thoughts.

A simple thought always alarmed the gates of my mind as to why people craved so much for companionship and why is being alone so tough? Why doesn’t the companionship of their own thoughts excite them ? Diving deep into their soul and finding peace. Why they want to make more friends when the old ones turned out to be snakes? Maybe Hope for a change only to find out they are alone in the end, with or without friends.

My simple perspective is one should stop fulfilling its emotional hunger in other people when you can a build a home in yourself. Be your own friend, own adviser and your own lover. Once you start to do that, everything around you will change and even a small thing can make you happy. Maybe it would a new hobby or a new learning or a new course or just meditating, God knows! Maybe it might restore your faith in God and he might become your constant friend. Stop getting trapped in the prison of “Oh my God ! I am alone *sad winks* ” and start to dwell in ” Oh Wow ! I am alone *happy sighs* ” !!!

And when you do that, watch how many people appreciate that and secretly envies you to be so strong ! 🙂

SHE – Half Goddess, Full Hell

Born into the magical land of India,

She was both the devil of fire

and the disguised angel.

They worshipped her

yet caged her.

They loved her

yet cursed her.

They admired her mind

yet raped her body.

They complimented her ideas

yet abolished her thoughts.

They gave her space

yet stole her freedom.

They never want a daughter

but want a wife.

What is she?

A blessing

or a curse.

They still wonders…

She still wonders…

– Ayushi Kulshreshtha